Report: Tanks Still Best Way to Squash Dissent

In a groundbreaking report from the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, tanks reportedly are still the most effective way to crush the bones of traitorous, wretched cockroaches who dare question the unmatched supremacy of the Chinese Communist Party. The Report combs through hundreds of pages of thought leadership, historical documents, and research reports about eradicating vile, bile-spewing enemies from the face of the earth. “Tanks. Time and time again, from Caesar’s Rome all the way up to Xi Jinping’s eternal republic of a 1000 years, it’s tanks,” commented the report’s lead author Jié Zhang. Mr. Jié added “Tear gas, threatening to deploy troops…not even close. Tanks are the most effective.”