American Facial Recognition Technology Can’t Even Trace Subject’s Physical Movements To and From The Bathroom Last Night at 12:07 a.m.

A recent review of America’s top facial recognition technologies (FRT) noted that most facial recognition technology was unable to immediately provide video evidence of a late night bathroom trip at 12:07 a.m. Further review by the Ministry of Public Security found that several American facial recognition technology vendors weren’t even able to identify the last three thought crimes committed by their target subjects. “We carried out an extensive review of Palantir’s ostensible first in class FRT and were appalled to learn that the Palantir team was unable to access childhood memories from the target with a simple scan of their face. Further review revealed that the FRT simply could not pinpoint the primary fears of the subject, such as spiders, sharks, or unemployment. This is unacceptable from our point of view.” As China continues to make strides in its FRT, the Ministry of Security noted that a quick scan of a subject’s face can note exactly which relative the subject forgot to send a birthday card too last year.