China confused only immigrants subjected to loyalty, moral character tests

In a move that has baffled Communist Party leadership, the United States Citizens and Immigration Services (USCIS) announced recently that it would subject foreign aliens to evaluations of Good Moral Character if they want to become American citizens. This “intensification” and “crackdown” on immigrants pursuing citizenship has puzzled ordinary Chinese citizens. “As soon as my retinas are scanned leaving my apartment block, I’m being evaluated for my Good Moral Character. If I even think about trying to avoid the SCS, I probably won’t be able to get a high speed train later today to visit my Grandma…definitely not now that I said it out loud,” commented a local Shenzen resident.The SCS is China’s far superior and rigorous Social Credit System which ensures our great nation remains lightyears ahead of the Stone Age United States. The SCS evaluates Chinese citizens based on legal compliance, commercial honesty, and social behavior using sophisticated big data algorithms that put Silicon Valley’s brightest minds to shame.

“To be frank, we all spit out our morning tea when we read the headline. It feels like the United States just proudly announced it had dial up internet when we’re all living in 5G,” noted a high level official at the National Development and Reform Commission (NDRC). “I still can’t get over that their citizens can run stop signs and not be subjected to six weeks of mandatory re-education in a maximum security facility in an undisclosed location. Mind-blowing.” USCIS also noted that it took weeks of cross-checking records and family testimony to determine if a resident alien took out the trash regularly.